Is the Internet transforming our sex lives as much as the birth control pill did? Yes, says Regina Lynn, Wired.com's 'Sex Drive' columnist and the author of a new book about modern sexuality. Thanks to e-mail, blogging, instant messaging, Web cams and the myriad ways we now have to stay in touch electronically, Lynn says we are in the middle of a new relationship revolution. 

"Forget what they told you about defense departments and universities. The Internet has done more to help us upgrade our sex lives than any other technology in history," says Lynn in "The Sexual Revolution 2.0" (Ulysses Press).  And she's not just talking about porn or dating sites. Lynn contends that having constant e-contact has created new kinds of relationships and increased intimacy in existing ones. The Web has been particularly liberating for women who, she says, might not cross a crowded bar to ask a guy out, but might e-mail him first or boldly flirt via instant messaging. 

There is a downside, though: keeping a lid on all those steamy notes and blogs out there in cyberspace. By default, we're creating   "a transcript of a lifetime," says Lynn.  And now, instead of just burning a box of old love letters, she says we may have to find "50 ways to delete your lover." Susanna Schrobsdorff spoke to Regina Lynn about the pleasures and perils of love in the digital age.  Excerpts:

NEWSWEEK: Has the online world changed our sexual behavior as much as the pill?

Regina Lynn: I think it already has changed us almost as much as the pill, and will continue to.  It is perhaps more gradually—we're already used to using e-mail and we take it for granted that we can talk to each other and build relationships—love and friendships—with people all over the world. But it's a big change. Women feel safe to do more sexual exploring online and a shy guy might find he's got the ability to seduce in e-mail.   The Internet is about communication, which is the foundation of relationships.

You say that relationships are “real” even if they are conducted mainly online.

The Internet is the tool we're using, but there's still a person on either end. Online relationships kind of happen inside out whether it's e-mail, or instant messaging. The anonymity of online lets people get right to the heart of the matter first and then they start backing out to the more superficial, this is what I do for a living, this is where I live. 

How have Internet relationships changed in the past few years?

People are meeting in puzzle or role-playing games more than in sex chat rooms now. Places where you are engaged in shared imaginative experiences with other people tend to give rise to other kinds of  relationships. And because of the skills required for these games it often means the people who are coming just to troll for sex have been weeded out.

With so much of our intimate communications, like e-mails, out there in cyberspace, are there new risks?

You have in the back of your mind, 'I now have no control over this.'  If someone gets hostile or vindictive or becomes a stalker, they have digital copies of the love letters you sent them. I think the way to deal with it is to accept this and relax and not let it make you crazy.  You can't say what if my writing is so good that he starts copying and pasting it to the new woman he's having an affair with?  You have to let that thought go.

Are women more receptive to online relationships?

Women like to talk, we like to converse.  When you're online you're there because you're there to communicate and so is everyone else. So you end up talking to someone who feels like talking. But you shouldn't build up extra fantasies. 'Oh, my gosh, I get so much attention and love and intimacy with my online lover than I do with my husband or real life boy friend.'  Well of course you do, because you've both come online to communicate. If you keep that in mind, what you end up with is a meeting of the minds.

You wrote about a seven year relationship that ended in cyber-silence—he just didn't answer your e-mails. Has technology changed the way we feel at the end of a relationship too?

In our technologically connected world, the silence is resounding. It's a slap. It's almost physical. When you have so many different mediums, email, instant messaging, cell phones, the amount of talking is huge. And just to stop communicating is like closing the door, locking it, and not answering it when you know someone is standing there knocking. But I don't think there is a real equivalent. 

They say there are at least 40 million people blogging now. How has that changed romance?

Let's say I kept a blog for five years and it's a blog of everyone I've slept with, and everyone I've flirted with and what I want in a man.  Then I meet a guy, and then he reads the blog.  And in a way, that really hits home because I have written the Sex Drive column for two years and anyone can look at it. So the boyfriend that I have has to be OK with what I have done and that I'm going to write about it.

But can't you just make it an anonymous blog or delete it later?

Once you publish a blog, it's out there even if you delete it.  Other people may have copied it and pasted it, and it's likely to be in Google's archives. You either have to be very careful what you say, or be a little more relaxed. If you had a big fight last night and your girlfriend keeps a blog and 12 of her friends read about it—so what? Relax. It's nothing they wouldn't have talked about in quilting circle.  We need to give each other the leeway to do that.

You say that the Internet has been a boon to long-distance relationships and that you've corresponded with soldiers in Iraq who use Web cams and even remote-controlled sex toys to stay intimate with their spouses back home. How does that work?

From what they told me, the soldier sits at the computer for the unit. And there's a Web cam and he's talking to her. If she's using one of the new toys he can have this little control panel in the corner of the screen and be controlling her toy remotely.  If you are a couple where this sounds intimate and fun it can be a great thing when you're apart.

If it's a communal computer, how can there be any privacy?

Yes, there could be 20 other guys in the room, but it’s my guess it's understood that they don't look over each other's shoulders.

How are younger people using technology differently than the older generations?

The kids who've grown up IM-ing each other rather than passing notes are going to stay so much more connected with their friends after they leave school than even the people who graduated 10 years ago. I'm not in touch with many people from college, but if I were graduating now, my network would be prodigious—it's a powerful web. 

Did you meet your boyfriend online?

I met him on an online motorcycle forum. We don't work together, we live 35 miles apart. He's 11 years older than I am.  There's no other way we could have met except [on] the Internet.

Courtesy of: msnbc.msn.com